“And so, onwards… You have it in your power to merge everything you have lived through – false starts, errors, delusions, passions, your loves and your hopes – into your goal, with nothing left over.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche
This week five years ago, I stepped on a plane bound for London.
I was fresh out of college and, like all good English majors, clueless as to what I wanted to with my life. I’d spent the last year ping-ponging around job options, considering many and deciding on none – au pair in Paris, marketing assistant at a publishing company in New York, teacher at a boarding school in the UK.
Not only did I have no idea what I wanted to do, but I had no idea where I wanted to be. All I had was a vague belief that if I didn’t get out and see the world, I’d regret not doing so later.
* * *
A month before my college graduation in 2008, I attended an end-of-the-year banquet. Two of the first people I saw that night were my friends Kim and Emily. We had known each other from the time we were freshmen, but not hung out much during our last year.
Even still, the first thing Kim said to me when I walked up to her was, “Candace, come to London with us!”
I’ll always wonder what prompted her to say that. I’d known Kim and Emily were planning to move there together after graduation, on a six-month working visa through a company called BUNAC. But as jealous as I’d been of their plan, I also felt I couldn’t just invite myself along.
Their invitation was serendipitous, and three months after graduation, we set off for the UK. Once in London, we all found jobs and a one-bedroom flat in Chelsea, whose biggest perk was arguably an elevator – I mean lift – whose walls were lined with mirrors.
It became something of a tradition for us that at the end of a night out, we would take a self-portrait (or what’s now known as a “selfie”) in the mirror as the elevator carried us back up to our third-floor flat.
I think it was our attempt at documenting how it felt to be young and at large in the world – a freedom I’d never known was possible.
* * *
In the five years since our fateful move to Europe, life has never ceased to amaze me. I’ve found myself on a black pearl farm in French Polynesia, swimming in a rooftop pool at 4am on Sumatra, racing through India on a rickshaw, and watching the sun rise over New Zealand while horseback.
And yet, as strange as it is to believe, it’s never really been about travel for me. Travel – especially long-term travel – isn’t the answer for everyone, but I’ve come to believe that being open to possibility is. For me, travel has been my way of learning to live out this openness.
It is this twinning of journeys that keeps me moving forward. At the end of every year, I had a sense that the work wasn’t through – that the changes taking place in me in London, New Zealand, India, Indonesia, etc., needed more of the time and space that travel affords.
If there’s anything these last five years on the road have taught me, it’s this: Life takes time to figure out. The path we’re meant to follow isn’t always clear, and it’s important not to rush the process of discovering the right path.
Travel has been a conduit for me to learn this, teaching me to love the journey – and its detours – as much as the destination.
* * *
Earlier this summer, I went back to my university for my fifth year reunion, and the two people I was most excited to see were Kim and Emily. I saw Emily first, on the steps of the Rotunda around which our school has always revolved, while Kim and I reunited later in front of Alderman Library.
The weekend was filled with reminiscing, much of it about our experiences while we were in college – late night cram sessions, bagel runs to Bodo’s, football games. And given the point of the weekend, it would certainly make a lot of sense for us to recall those years.
But even still, my mind was somewhere else: in London, at the beginning of the journey these last five years have seen me on.
All I could think about was how lost and direction-less I was when Kim and Emily invited me to join them on their adventure, and about where life has led me since. I wanted to return for our reunion as a way of coming full circle – returning to a place I had left in confusion and marking where I am now.
At the end of our big reunion dinner on Saturday night, we made our way back to a parking garage on campus. Emily had left her car on the fourth floor and, feeling lazy, we opted to take the elevator.
The steel doors soon opened and in we piled, but it wasn’t until we’d reached the second floor that it hit me:
“Girls, we’re in an elevator.”
As soon as the significance of the moment had sunk in, we were all reaching for our cameras. Even if there wasn’t a mirror, we would make the photo happen – it was the only way to honor the final full-circle moment of the weekend.
Requisite selfie taken, we began parting ways, and the last thing Emily said to me was, “Onwards, onwards.”
Her words stayed with me for long after we said goodbye – for it’s this very sense of possibility and forward motion that keeps me moving through the world, as well as through life.
* * *
I’m thinking of Emily’s poetic words even now, as I spend a final few hours in Seattle before heading south again to San Francisco. It isn’t that I want to leave, but as always, there are things urging me onwards to the next adventure.
Anniversaries – whether they be for a relationship or just a major decision – are a way of marking our journey through this crazy thing called life, and as I celebrate five years of making my home in the world, I’m filled with gratitude and wonder at the doors which travel has opened for me, and for the lessons it has taught me.
It’s something I always try to come back to here on the blog – that travel can be about so much more than a physical trip. It’s a chance to explore new territory, both in the world and inside ourselves.
It’s a chance to give our questions the time and space they need to reach their answers.
It’s a chance to figure out the path we’re meant to lead.
Emily said it best – Onwards, onwards, my friends.
What a great story you have Candace. Although I love travel, I do believe you’re right that this journey isn’t really just about travel. It’s about finding your true self in the course of the journey. Realizing what it is that makes your heart beat faster and your soul to come alive. Travel just affords these things to happen because of the places you see and people you meet along the way.
Rhonda, I want to copy your comment and paste it somewhere I can read often…you’ve *so* hit the nail on the head: Life isn’t just about finding our path, but about discovering what makes us come alive. There are so many layers to each journey and it’s just a matter of taking the time to unpack them. Thanks for sharing your words of wisdom, I appreciate it!
What I love about our internet age is that all of us can continue to inspire eachother, in spite of having never met in person (at least not yet!).
I know! It really is quite extraordinary when you think about it 🙂 So sorry we weren’t able to meet this year, but I’m fairly certain I’ll be back in the Pacific Northwest come January and will be sure to let you know when that happens!
Sounds good… we’ll still be around for another year or so,just let us know!
Wonderful! Sounds like a plan, Rhonda 🙂
Congratulations Candace 🙂 I especially loved your comments on living a life of possibility! Here’s to all the new possibilities that will open up over the next five years!
Thanks so much, Lindsey! And yes – there’s nothing I love quite more than all of life’s many possibilities 🙂 I can’t wait to see what unfolds for you as well over these next few years!
Layers indeed – well said; As I read this today I am also flicking through the pages of your sketch book which finally made its way to Australia by the wonders of slow mail! Oh wow – I showed to a friend who is also a wanderer and wondered. Thanks for the continuing inspiration. I am an ‘old fart’ but your words ring true still.
Thanks for allowing us to vicariously journey with you….
Ah! That is so exciting to think of “Beneath the Lantern’s Glow” being officially on Australian soil – I can’t thank you enough for ordering it, Gerald 🙂 Thank you as well for your kind words – it’s an honor to have you following along my journey(s), and I can’t wait to start sharing sketches from this new trip with you!
Congratulations on hitting your 5 years mark, Candace! I’ve been on the road now, uhm… 11 years (ok, 6 of those abroad) and agree that it’s not really about traveling but about choosing to move forward and grab opportunities.
Great work!
Thanks so much, Katherina! That’s amazing to hear you’ve now been on the road for 11 years now…how incredible. I love what you said about taking hold of opportunities – that’s really what it’s all about, isn’t it? 🙂
I just woke up and now I’m crying! I love this Candace. It’s beautifully written and perfectly encompasses what travel means- to stay open and to move forward in this big beautiful world of ours. To enjoy the journey, each step of it.
Oh, no! So sorry for the early morning tears 🙂 I’m so glad this resonated with you, though, and I know that you totally get what it means to be open. Can’t wait to see where each of our journeys leads us next!
Wait so what happened with your two friends? Are they still traveling? Did they settle down somewhere?
I agree though, travel is so much more than just the destination. I have a hard time explaining this to people sometimes when they question where I go or what I do as why would that be interesting, it’s not x,y,z, tourist spot or whatever. I love travel in that it makes the routine once again exciting, but also helps you discover in many ways what you are capable of as a person.
Really lovely and apt writeup too. I wish you the best on your onward journey.
My two friends, while they absolutely still love traveling, are actually based back in the US now! Seeing them is always one of my favorite things about coming home between trips 🙂 Really glad to hear that this post resonated with you, though, and that it connects with your own love for travel. Here’s to many more journeys and adventures for us both – and thanks for your support, Anwar!
What an inspiring, thoughtful, lovely, talented, insightful kindred spirit you are! Congratulations on the first five years—I can’t wait to see where you take us in the next five. Happy sketching, happy trails!
Chandler, I can’t tell you how lucky and blessed I feel to have crossed paths with you this summer! I am so grateful to have connected with you, and really can’t wait to catch up again soon – wish you could join Mary-Alice and me in the Bay Area this weekend 🙂
Wow great story! I’ve always felt it but never been able to figure out but I know it’s not about my travels, , its not about how many places I’ve visited, its not about my adventures, but all of that represents something more, something internal… that you pointed out, being open to possibilities and this alone, says everything about our journey in life and our whats in store for us!
Thank you for this meaningful post! I totally related!
Hello, Romeo! Thanks so much for stopping and for your kind words – I’m thrilled to hear this post resonated with you…and just from briefly checking out your blog, it sounds like being open to possibility is something you and Kat have got down 🙂 I absolutely believe the greatest benefit of travel is the internal shifts it inspires – I’m so glad to hear you feel the same about your own adventures!
I had goosebumps reading this post! It’s amazing how life circles around. I love that you joined these girls on a whim and I love the pics!!!
Aww, thanks so much, Andi! Life is certainly a pretty crazy thing sometimes, isn’t it? 🙂 I will always be grateful to Kim and Emily for taking a chance and inviting me along on their adventure – I know for sure I would not be where I am today if they hadn’t. Hope all is well with you, lovely!
What a lovely, wise soul you have…I needed to read this as we are two days from leaving our home of ten years. There are other adventures to have, experiences to absorb, and lessons to learn. Onward, onward…
I’m so glad to hear this post resonated with you, my friend…and what a moment that must have been leaving your home – I can only imagine how that felt! Although I totally feel for you both as you say goodbye to your life in Portland, I’m also hugely excited for the many adventures that await you! Not long to go now 🙂
Candace, I don’t even really know how to respond to this beautiful, beautiful post. So much of it resonated so deeply with me, particularly about how traveling has actually not been about the destinations so much as it has been about the journey and the openness this lifestyle you have created has afforded you. When I started on my own trip, it was all about travel for me—I was hungry to see the world and visit all of these places, but one year later, I’ve found that what has come to mean the most to me is that feeling of openness that you talk about. I feel like in leaving my old life and setting out to travel, there are so many more possibilities available to me now than there were before. For me, traveling has unlocked this huge portion of my life to me, as well as myself, and for that I will forever be grateful. Onwards, onwards, friend, and I hope that one day our paths cross!
Steph, I can’t thank you enough for such a thoughtful comment! It’s absolutely wonderful to hear about what travel has been for you and Tony – and I love that you’ve also been drawn to the sense of openness and possibility that travel can unlock in our lives. What I’ve also been thinking about recently is how grateful I am to now incorporate this openness into other parts of my life, not just when I’m on the road – and I’m grateful to travel for teaching me how to.
I also really hope our paths cross soon, it’d be so great to finally meet you both in person!