Two nights ago, right about midnight, I found myself in my friend Kim’s apartment.
Her friend Wendy from home had just arrived in India and they were in the throes of figuring out how to spend the next two weeks.
Should they go to Hampi and Mysore? Kerala and the Lakshadweep Islands? Or the biggest question of all: Sri Lanka?
And that’s when it began, when the big knot of yarn that led to the evening’s epiphany slowly started unraveling.
“I know I’m not going to find what I’m looking for,” Wendy said. “I want mountains. Real mountains. Cold mountains.”
“We could always fly up to the Himalayas,” Kim suggested, but in that way you say things you don’t really mean. Kind of like how I said to my sister I was taking her and her ten bridesmaids to Bermuda for her bachelorette party. Right.
At one point a map was consulted and the Lonely Planet guide to India brought out, as thick as a dictionary. Still they were no closer to an answer.
“What about Shillong?” Kim asked.
I said no.
“Darjeeling?”
No again.
I’d been to all those places and knew they weren’t what she was looking for. They were hill stations, not mountains. I knew what she wanted; she wanted magic.
“You should go to Dharamsala.”
“Where the heck is Dharamsala?”
And to tell you the truth, I couldn’t actually find it on the map right away. All I knew was that it was north.
Way north.
“It’s where the Dalai Lama lives. And where the Tibetan government in exile is based, so it’s called Little Tibet. And where you can see the Himalaya.”
The more I told them about it, the more my heart was racing for them, and I told them this, about how Dharamsala was somewhere I’d always wanted to go.
“Well why don’t you come with us?” Kim asked, as if it was the easiest, most obvious thing in the world to do.
And in a way, I realized that it was. Just that morning, I’d started a draft of my last blog post from India (as I’m leaving in a month!), in which I listed the many stones I’ll leave unturned here.
But the biggest unturned stone of all, my greatest regret, was that I’d never gone north of Delhi.
While I’ve been out west to Jaisalmer and been something like 25 miles from Pakistan, while I’ve stood on the southernmost point of India at Cape Comorin, and while I’ve made it to the far northeast corner of the country where tourists rarely go, I still know there are great swathes of land I have yet to set foot on – the Punjab, Himachal Pradesh, and most importantly, Jammu and Kashmir.
And so as Kim and Wendy told me to come with them, I couldn’t help asking myself: What if I did?
What if – there were those two words again, so often harbingers of regret. Because as much as I love my home here in Goa, as much as I love the sea and my friends and the delicious hours of writing time, I also knew that three months from now, back home in Virginia, I didn’t want to be asking myself:
What if I’d gone with them?
But the words ‘what if’ can signal something else, too – possibility.
Sometimes I think the traveler in me has quieted down, that perhaps the wanderlust no longer runs as strong through my veins.
And then suddenly I’m bent over a map of India and my heart is actually racing, the adrenaline of anticipation coursing through me faster than any drug in the world. And the thing about it is this:
I will go to Dharamsala, and even if it happens to be the most disappointing place in the world (which I highly highly doubt but you never know), it is this moment that counts – when it still exists as a mere possibility in my mind, alive with prayer flags and snow-capped peaks and monks in burgundy robes; when that possibility alone is enough.
The possibility of, what if I went here:
So this time next week, my train from Goa will just be pulling into New Delhi station, where I will then meet up with Kim and Wendy (who, in the end, decided to go to Hampi too) and we’ll begin making our way to Dharamsala. In a matter of two days of travel, we will have left this balmy sunshine behind for colder climes and I’ll finally (finally!) get north of Delhi.
But for now, I’m still here in Colomb Bay, five minutes from the beach, content to dwell in the prayer flag-draped possibility that is Dharamsala, asking myself what if?
Where is your Dharamsala, i.e. the place that gets your heart racing?
Photo credits: Painted Stork, Corbis, and Youth Incorporated Magazine
This is so exciting! I spent two weeks in Dharamsala attending the annual teachings of HH The Dalai Lama, and let me tell you, it is amazing. You are going to have such a wonderful time there! I will give you a bunch of recommendations when I see you 🙂
Thanks so much, lovely! It has been so fun hearing about all of your adventures in Dharamsala – and it has only gotten me that much more excited about heading there myself. Just wish you could come with us! xx
Hi Candace
Where did you get the idea that Darjeeling is not a mountain and also that you can’t see the Himalyas from Darjeeling….grrrhh!!!
I was in Macleodganj, Dharamshala two years ago and was very lucky to see HH The Dalai Lama in person, infact he walk upto me as he was leaving and held my hand and blessed me.
I too have some beads of recommendations for you. Call me. Best wishes. OM MANE PADME HUM!
Hey Vikash, thanks for saying hello here! Don’t worry, no one told me Darjeeling isn’t in the mountains 🙂 I went up there myself (just for one night) during the September Rickshaw Run – I just wish I’d had more time to properly explore it. That’s amazing to hear about your experience with the Dalai Lama, though – that must have been a truly incredible moment for you. I’m leaving Goa tomorrow and will give you a call then!
Yay! I’m glad you decided to go along with them! Dharmshala seems like a magical place! I think my Dharmshala would be my next-destination, wherever that is. My heart is always racing every time I’m about to go on a trip, far or near – whether it is the 2 hr-drive from Toronto to Buffalo or the almost 24-hour flight to Indonesia, the excitement is always palpable for me!
Hey, Pauline! Thanks so much for your comment and your kind words. Dharamsala does indeed seem to hold a bit of magic, and I’m thrilled to finally be seeing it for myself 🙂 And I know what you mean about your heart racing no matter where you’re headed! For me, the very act of movement is so often enough – just to be back on the road, you know? I look forward to seeing where you’re off to next!
Wow, so exciting! I hear Northern India is so very different to Southern India, I hope you enjoy every moment discovering it. For me, at the moment, any place that isn’t home is my Dharmshala. I’m so impatient to start our travels next year, even the shortest weekend out the city gets me excited with the taste of all the places to come!
Thanks, Charlie! Great to see you here again 🙂 Northern and southern India are definitely very different (not just in landscape, but in food, traditions, etc.), and even more so as I’ll be leaving Goa’s beaches behind for a glimpse of the Himalaya! I’m so excited to see Dharamsala for the first time, and to share it with you all here as well.
I so understand what you mean about wanting to start your travels! Do you know where you’ll head first? I hope all your preparations continue to go well, and that you’re able to enjoy this time *before* your journey as well.
YESSS!!!! I CAN’T WAIT!
YEAH!!!!! I am seriously so excited for this trip 🙂 PS – Can’t wait to hear all about Hampi!!
I’m dying to visit Dharamsala!!! I hope you go soon, because I want to live vicariously through your posts. I never think what if, because I always go where my gut is telling me to go.
Thank you, Andi!! I am actually leaving tomorrow for Dharamsala, so I absolutely can’t wait to start sharing photos and sketches from there with you 🙂 And yes – it is all about following your gut! In this case, as much as I wanted to stay in Goa and keep working on my book, I knew I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to head north. When do you leave for Bermuda?
One of the guys at work is heritage-ily from the north. I think. Correct me if I’m wrong – he said he’s from the north and his family is Punjab which means five rivers. Does that sound right?
Anyhow, I’m so intrigued to read more about this. I fall into each of your posts.
Yes! The Punjab is definitely north of Delhi – our train actually dropped us off in a tiny town called Chakki Bank in the Punjab, where we then caught a cab to Dharamsala. So while I’ve technically stepped foot in the state, I still haven’t been to the Punjabi capital of Amritsar (where the beautiful Golden Temple is), but I suppose I’ll have to save that for my next trip here. PS – I had no idea it meant ‘five rivers’ – I learned something new today, thanks!
I know I’m not going to be able to make it north of Delhi on this trip but I know for sure, I NEED TO COME BACK! Though I’m going to Nepal, I too really want to make it to Dharamsala and many places near it. I hope it is everything you expect it to be and more!
Hey Jessica! Thanks so much for your comment and for saying hello 🙂 Yes, you definitely need to come back!! I loved India so much that I had to as well 🙂 When are you heading to Nepal? I was there in 2011, just for a week unfortunately but I still really enjoyed it. Have a great time!