The answer is simple, of course: “Yes.”
But if I left it at that, this wouldn’t be much of a blog post, now would it?
Last week, I introduced you to my good friend Micaela, who recently left on her first extended solo trip through Croatia and Greece. At the moment, she’s currently in Athens (lucky girl!), but in the weeks leading up to her departure, we talked a lot about what her trip would look, especially if she would experience loneliness on the road traveling by herself.
When people find out that I usually travel alone, so often the first question they ask is, “Don’t you ever get lonely?” What surprises me is the terribly concerned look on their face, as though loneliness is something to be afraid of.
Which it can be, at times – but what I feel isn’t talked about quite as often is the good that can come from loneliness.
The beauty of loneliness.
“When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience.”
– Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
When else in life do you have the time and space to get to know yourself in such a way? Being alone outside your comfort zone can be a pretty powerful thing. When the loneliness comes, don’t run away from it. Look into it, dig to the root, see where it might be coming from.
Maybe it’s a past relationship you’re still healing from, or a dream you haven’t yet committed to making happen. Either way, Douglas Coupland says it best in Shampoo Planet:
“Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life’s cruelest irony.”
There’s a difference between being alone and lonely.
I’ve come to welcome being alone on the road – for how it opens me up to the world, gives me permission to be fully observant of my surroundings and not always worried about what my travel companion might think of me.
I get to be my nerdy, curious self, no questions asked. As one of my favorite writers, Alain de Botton, says in The Art of Travel:
“It seemed an advantage to be traveling alone. Our responses to the world are crucially molded by whom we are with, we temper our curiosity to fit in with the expectations of others…Being closely observed by a companion can inhibit us from observing others, we become taken up with adjusting ourselves to the companion’s questions and remarks, we have to make ourselves seem more normal than is good for our curiosity.”
Better yet, traveling alone makes you more approachable. While lost on the streets of Marrakech in May, a local woman named Jemala stopped and asked if I’d like to come to her house for coffee (at least that’s what I think she said – I don’t speak Arabic and my French is appalling).
As I spent the evening with her and her children, I couldn’t help wondering if she would’ve been as concerned about me wandering Marrakech’s back streets if I’d been with someone else or a group.
Ways to beat loneliness on the road:
The truth is that even as a “solo traveler,” you’re not often flying all that solo. From long train journeys to packed cafés, the world is brimming with potential new friends, and I’m usually alone far less than people might expect.
Still, there are certain things I’ve come to do to open myself up to meeting people. I love the tips that Heather of Heather’s Harmony recently posted on keeping loneliness at bay…here are a few more I would add:
Visit the same restaurant twice.
Even if I’m only in a place for a few days, over the last year I’ve made a habit of going back to the same restaurant, café, bar, even a small corner shop, multiple times during my stay. Not only do the staff start to recognize you and say hello, but as you develop familiarity with a place, you begin to relax and feel more at home.
Sign up for group activities.
My time in New Zealand taught me that just because I was a Big Bad Independent Traveler (ha, as if that exists…), I could still sign up for group activities.
While part of the reason was that I wouldn’t have been able to do certain things on my own – i.e. swim with dolphins, hike a glacier, visit a volcanic island – another thing I came to look forward to on these group daytrips was the interaction it brought with other (often like-minded) travelers.
Stay in hostels.
Even if you opt for a private room instead of sharing a dorm with ten strangers, the common spaces found in a hostel can be the perfect place to find a bit of connection. In New Zealand, I traveled to Greymouth by myself for a quick getaway – but I soon met Eva, Benoit and Dan in my hostel. We got along so well, we hung out the entire weekend.
Want to read more?
I’m certainly not the first travel blogger to talk about loneliness on the road. Check out these other great posts on the subject:
- Vagabondish, 10 Ways to Overcome Loneliness While Traveling Solo
- Gary Arndt, Dealing with Loneliness while Traveling
- Janice Waugh, How to Travel Alone: Top 10 Tips & 5 Posts
- BootsnAll, Beating Loneliness on the Road
Love this post! So glad you are one of the people I met while I was “traveling alone”. Big hugs from Canada. Let’s try to set up a skype date soon. I’m finally at my parents getting some work done, so I have a bit more free time on my hands…xo
Thank you, friend! I couldn’t agree more – when I signed up for Pueblo Ingles, I had no idea it would lead me to cross paths with such incredible people. And yes, let’s definitely Skype soon. My screen name is candaceroserardon, just let me know what times work for you. xo
PS – thinking of you as you re-adjust to life back in Canada! (for a little while, that is… 🙂
I still haven’t tried solo travel, but I know it is in my future and I will definitely keeps these tips in mind! Great post!
Thank you, Ashley! And thanks so much for stopping by here. I hope these tips might help on any solo adventures you set out on, and they might even come in handy when you’re traveling as a couple too. I just took a look at your blog and loved your proposal story – very fitting for a blogging couple 🙂 Hope to see you here again!
You always read my mind, Candace. I have all these trips planned in my head but am finding it hard to organize travel companions. I might have to make a few trips on my own.
I think that scares me.
Because we’re traveling kindred spirits 🙂 It’s so good to hear this resonates with you too, though. Where are some of the places you’re hoping to visit? I know you can do it – it might be pretty different from some of your other trips, but I have a feeling you will still make the most of it. You’re such an adventurer, always exploring new places…don’t forget that!
PS – we must Skype soon, it’s been far too long since we’ve caught up. x
I have done a few solo trips, nothing like you and Terri have done, or like your friend Micaela is doing. I went camping alone once (in a very well established campground barely on the outskirts of a small town, with full bathroom facilities 30 yards from my campsite and several restaurants 5 minutes away) and drew all kinds of concern from my family and friends. “What?! Alone?! But how will you set up the tent? How will you sleep alone at night? What if there are BEARS?!” I even followed a yoga podcast by myself in front of my tent the next morning. It was glorious.
Several years later, I went to Costa Rica on a yoga retreat alone, enjoyed the heck out of it, and made at least one lifelong friend. A few months after that, I went to Spain alone and made more lifelong friendships (hey! I thought I knew you from somewhere!).
I love sharing cool places with people I love. I love traveling with my husband (as long as he trusts my understanding of the Metro system ;-)) and there is still nothing like traveling alone, even for short periods of time.
I’m so glad you posted this and can’t wait to read the next installment of this series!
Ah, what a beautiful comment! I love the many stories that are packed in here, thanks so much for sharing them. Your solo camping adventure sounds brilliant – I wish I could’ve seen you doing your yoga that next morning 🙂 An interesting theme that’s coming out of people’s comments on this post is the balance between solo trips and traveling with your family or friends. I think they each have their own rewards and challenges, and that we shouldn’t be afraid to experience them both.
PS – was your yoga retreat in Costa Rica the same trip where you got those delicious little candies you shared at PI? Yum!
When we moved to the UK, I came four months early so it was kind of a big solo experience as I had to make some of life’s biggest decisions (where to work, live etc) alone. I learned so much about myself in that time and it was an incredible experience.
Maybe that was what made it so easy to travel to New York and Serbia alone. And I loved it. You’re right – you meet the most amazing people! But the lonely times (usually when I was cold or tired) made me decide to balance it out between solo trips and trips taken with Le Husband.
Wow, that’s a long time in advance! That had to be quite an interesting experience – striking out on your own and making those decisions, yet also knowing your husband was to follow in a little while. Ultimately, I’m with you on striking the right balance. The group trips I’ve had, particularly longer ones like the Rickshaw Run and the Camino, are wonderful because you have so many friends to reminisce with, and yet I also love the solo trips for the certain challenges they bring. Thanks for sharing your perspective 🙂
When I was traveling alone in Costa Rica I signed up to volunteer at a sea turtle conservation project, which ended up being one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I have made some life-long friends through activities like this, and it is certainly an amazing way to help prevent loneliness on the road. Like you though, I really enjoy a little alone time, and think it is an important lesson in life. Being comfortable in my own skin is something I worked long and hard at, and solo travel was an invaluable part of that process 🙂
I love this, Hannah 🙂 Your experience in Costa Rica sounds incredible! And I think it’s the perfect thing to do when traveling alone. In a way, volunteering and getting plugged into a community really gives you a purpose bigger than yourself and helps take away all of the angst that can come with being alone on the road. I’d love to do something similar with sea turtles one day – how long were you there for? Thanks again for your comment!